People Intelligence Blog

Applying emotional intelligence to personal and professional development.

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

H.A.L.T? Then ask for Time Out

Susan Dunn's Emotionally Intelligent Solutions Newsletter today looks at arguing and how, with loved ones, we often behave like a 'child' as opposed to an 'adult'. Think about the icy, critical, analytical stance or the tantrum. The determination to 'be right' often overlooks the importance of 'being happy'. Her suggestion is that when you spot one of you behaving in a less than adult way, suggest 'Time Out' so that you can both calm down and pick up the disagreement in a more adult to adult way.

Susan also points out that if you are feeling

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely or
• Tired

take Time Out and come back later to pick up on the point of contention.

Asking for time out works best if it's communicated in a neutral way and respected as a neutral space. It wouldn't be helpful to take time out and then never return to the difficulty. The point is to pick up the conflict and resolve it when you can guarantee behaving more like adults.

Susan's points combine increasing your self awareness (asking yourself am I HALT?) and practising more effective self management (suggesting Time Out before the argument gets too heated) so that overall your relationship management improves too.

As many of you know from my programmes, Self Management and Relationship Management are the foundations of emotional intelligence.

HALT and Time Out - great tips for good relationships.

posted by Maureen @ 7:47 AM   0 comments